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About me
Hello! This is Eveline.I'm nineteen. Currently studying in SP, diploma in banking and financial services. as well as psychology in business. I don't know myself very well. |
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Hello all, Wahaha, i took a break from the lecture notes today, just surfing the net all day. I'm not being lazy, mind you. Hmm, some shitty things happened at home, I guess, the major change that I am worrying about is coming earlier than planned. :( I don't know who to turn to for help, like real help, not advices, not suggestions, but help. Something real that can change the situation. Sometimes I ask myself, and recently I've been asking alot, why must it be me? ahh, whatever nonsense that's going to come, can't it wait? at least until i've graduated? i don't really fancy such disruptions, you see. I've got really nice neighbours, the one upstairs and the one downstairs. They happily took turns renovating their unit, drilling walls, hammering whatever nonsense, everytime i'm having mst or exam. The one upstairs even better, happily show off their stereo system, blasting the tv and their techno music in the morning, in the afternoon, at night, and right now even, at 2 am in the morning, windows open, not caring that my bedroom is underneath their living room, meaning i get the full blast of everything. shit you. they're new on the block by the way, newly-wed couples by the looks of it, and assholes too. its not the first time by the way. the first time they made their presence known to the block is when they had a homecoming party and totally blasted their stereo system while dancing around and talking loudly by the window. i dont want to be a sour grape and spoil your mood like someone who dont have a life, okay, but that was sunday night for goodness sake. thats the worse thing ok? people like me suffer from monday blues and i need a peaceful sunday night sleep. you want party make it on friday or saturday night la, are you brainless or something? better still, i introduce you to the bbq pit area and the function room. you just have to make a trip to the management, pay a deposit, use the place, and then you will get your deposit back. i know your stereo system is awesome, you can stop showing it off, it's getting on my nerves. stop testing my patience.  We celebrated xy's bday at NYNY on Wednesday. Great company as always, not bad food, funny waiter. Then the rest went home while sixian and i decided to chill around at tcc. Shortly joined by xy and yx again. haha.   It's been ages since I wrote a decent post. Not in the mood because of MST. Woke up today to realise that MJ passed away. The kids will be safe, but the music will never be the same again. Old songs rock!
开窍了。＝） 谢谢你. I will be as brave as you are. I want to run off to some island, alone.  Hungry go find food, not hungry just slack around. Got rain then go drink, no rain then just don't drink. Sleep and then die, maybe die of hunger or die of thirst, or eaten by some wild animal. Just away from everything, and everybody. I was reading a friend's blog. Not a very close friend, hardly talk to her, but friends. I think she's really strong, despite everything she manages to pick herself up, not like me, denial first then immune to the pain and thats it. very unhealthy. Quote of the day by Ah Lim: Got money everything also good. No money can only look. Tuition assignments are piling, but I really have no confidence in teaching science. =( anybody wants english, maths and chinese combi? Out with the sisters and one brother to celebrate xy's birthday earlier. Pictures soon. Happy Birthday XY!  Happy Birthday Tan Ser Hui! Happy Advance Birthday Khris Lee!  Celebrated at Cash Studios. Sang a lot of old songs today.  Lost count of the number of days. I think a few months have passed since day 100. Study study study. Just because I didn't ask about you, nor contact you, nor meet you, doesn't mean I don't care about you. It's just, some things are better left unsaid. Excuses, some may say, but what do you know? You're not me, you're never ever gonna understand. Sometimes I wish they would ask, yet I also wish they won't. It's just a dream, just a dream, just a dream. Hell ya, if it's a dream, it won't hurt would it? Then how come my heart is so sore and sour? Can't believe that I'm the fool again... I thought you were my friend? Went to sing with A04 yesterday. Weixian sounded like Yang Zong Wei. Ryan sounded like Lin You Jia. Awesome session. A04 got hidden talents. =) Haha, we shall all go sing part-time at a bar. I need something, just something. But I don't know what. Another holiday perhaps? LOL. REDANG TRIP
       To dearest softballers, how I wish all of us were there, we would have an even more blasting time together. The place was kinda remote, away from the busy city, limited technology, an island life, basically. The past few days have been great, we totally have this own time own target thing, no news from the "outside world", just living life on our own. Wake up early in the morning, had breakfast beside the sea, took a walk on the beach, suntan, obsessed with the tanning lotion, waited for the boat to bring us to the snorkelling areas, snorkelled, went back to the island, had lunch, tanned some more, went snorkelling again, dinner while gazing at the stars accompanied by live karaoke, went back to the hotel, beer, card games, goof off, get high, then sleep. Chilled out, talked, laughed.  This was where we had our meals.   Sea water was ultimate clear. Water from other sources, kinda not.      Hi, my name is eveline. I'm nineteen. I still dont' know much about life, I'm lousy at relationships, but I love my family and friends, even though I rarely express my real feelings. But despite that, I know there's someone in my heart. I'm afraid of the future, so I don't want to think so far ahead. Right here and now, I'm still in love with that person. I know it's pointless to say anything now, because I don't even know what's going on myself. But I'll learn, bit by bit. One day I will understand. I'll move on, yet stay. I'll let go, yet hold on. Love could be a simple thing, it's us that makes it complicated. I'm happy if he is. That will be all.  There's a lot to learn, a lot more to see and experience. Like what they say, Life's too short to just to live. This is a candid shot btw, by Kassie Tan. =) "When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." It pains me, when I look at the stars, they reminded me of you. That song, remember what you said before? You said the lyrics of that song was what you wanted to say to me, that it described us. You told me you cared about me a lot more than what I thought. I'm sorry, that I couldn't seem to appreciate nor reciprocate then. I'm sorry if I am that hard to understand. I'm sorry, and I love you. I've been thinking so much my eyebrows will be meeting one another soon. Time to relax and take that break I need. I've learnt that it's okay to be mediocre. But that doesn't mean I'm slacking off okay? I should stop thinking about the future. Maybe not totally, but I should think less about it. None of my plans about the future seems to work anyway. Good idea? Redang, June Bday Bash, A04 K outing, SANS Bday celeb. =D Surround myself with love from friends, enjoy myself to the max. Sounds like denial huh? Who cares. I used to be that strong
There's no thrill in easy sailingWhen the skies are clear and blue There's no joy in merely doing things Which anyone can do But there is some satisfaction That is mighty sweet to take When you reach a destination That you thought you'd never make. I was searching high and low for the Hurricanes song that I modified from I dream by Taufik Batisah for Angie. And I found it in a book, along with all the other original songs that I've written. I went to look at my livejournal and I was browsing through this entry I wrote about how Failure is not an option. It amazes me when I read all those past entries. I used to be so strong. So unaffected. So determined. I look like a loser at the moment compared to the past me. Cannot cannot. Must revert back. Yes, I'm strong, and like you said, I'll be just fine. But that doesn't mean I won't cry nor get hurt. Because I do. All the time. Just because I don't whine and cry in front of people. Showing my weaknesses in front of others is not my style. I cannot believe I forgot to rant about this recent news I've heard from a friend. There's this girl from school that I thought was really pretty and all at first but turns out to be a demon with an angelic face. What are you trying to show huh? What are you trying to prove even? You think you are up there but in reality you are so damn low. I don't think you are that nice anymore, pui. And fyi, that's my friend you are hurting. slap you. I realised that connections really can get you somewhere, but in my honest opinion that's totally a whole lot of crap, because so far, the people that gets there because of connections are lousy. Please agree, it takes real abilities to succeed. The lecturer was showing us a lot of videos during GEMs to motivate us. As much as I hate to admit it, it kinda damage my self-esteem. I admire people with talent. Talents like singing, dancing, or some other skills like, solving a Rubik's cube in 10 seconds even. Because people with talents will not starve. They can earn money as buskers what. But people like me who got no specific talent whatsoever, jack of all trades but master of none to be exact, have to live life the hard way. Haiz. 今天过去歌词我们多么用心 说再见都 保持冷静 微笑着分手 没有人哭泣 我们都没逃避时间给爱的难题 不论交给谁 都无法处理 oh今天过去 我是我 你是你 以后 就没有权利 多给你关心 再舍不得 太爱你 残忍心放弃 这是对的 决定 请勇敢飞行 你要的幸福 不在我这里 我可以 独自把梦 延续 还是一样 上班来不及 还是一样 看夜场电影 我的生活 依然规律 仿佛忘记 你已离去 还是一样 城市太拥挤 还是一样 多变的天气 你的生活 是否顺心 有没有人 走进你生命 相爱到最后 我们变成朋友 不见面 没联络 像路人的朋友 想念让人失落 也不能说出口 某个路口 曾经与你 擦肩而过 不打扰的温柔 是我唯一能做 因为 你还相信爱情 真的觉得感动 我会在这里 再守候 默默看着你 在心动 不寂 是否你也偶尔想念过 还是一样 上班来不及 还是一样 看夜场电影 我的生活 依然规律仿佛 忘记 你已离去 还是一样 城市太拥挤 还是一样 多变的天气 你的生活 是否顺心 有没有人 走进你生命  Counting down: 7 days to Redang with the now official Redang gang. So looking forward to Snorkelling! Yeps. It would have been more fun with 6 people but thanks to Swine Flu you know. My parents surprisingly encourage me to go. Dad was like "Scared for what? Don't need to scared la, go go." I think they noticed the pressure from the aura that I send out. haha. Anyway, there's always a next time, that the 8 of us will enjoy time together. I really feel like joining SP Softball, but I don't want it to jeopardise my studies even more. =( I mean I really need to get back up, NTU is the main target for now. But Mr Singh was encouraging me to go join everytime I attend GEMs. Huili was saying her mum's friend's son couldn't get into NUS Law despite the straight As. And I was telling her that results are just a bench mark to qualify you for the interview. The interview will be the determining factor. Fail interview and thats it. Ohman. 2/3 of Hols are packed with activities. the last week shall be kept free of all outings and what nots because I have dates, with my lecture notes. Not to forget two psycho assignments that takes up 25% each, one due next week, one due on Friday of MST week. Spent my 3 hour break today after lecture before gems with sf at JP. talked about some stuffs. and some people. weird people, strange people, funny people. life is soooo complicated.  SIM Management Game. Thanks ah, for reshuffling our groups, totally ignite my fighting spirit. I WILL SHOW YOU. YOU WAIT AND SEE. I like that feeling when people despises you, look down on you, then you show them what you can do and how they shut up. The looks on their faces are so priceless. That's just the way it is. You think I can't do it? I'll make sure I do it. Totally no mood for the last week of school. June hols packed with activities, but I will squeeze in time to study, definitely. Maybe I'll start now. No, I'm not crazy. Redang trip is SO ON. Confirming bookings and payment tomorrow. =) Outings with gang, Ao4, Sans and Softballers. What more can I ask for? :D  I'm not going anywhere. I'm still hoping for that silver lining. Today was super restless. Shufen and I were both down, and it kind of showed on our faces. Clara was like asking what happen. I really don't know how to describe it. There's so many things to say I don't know where to start, not that I didn't try to talk to people about it, I did, just that, I couldn't seem to deliver my message the way I want it to. Friends gave me solutions that I do not want to take, it's different ok, I could feel it clearly. I know what I want. Shufen, I think God angry because we never fulfil our promise to go pray. We better do it during the holidays, wash away all the bad luck. Planned to pon psycho class today. But we showed up in the end. Psycho class rawks big time. One step at a time, one day, I'll reach the stage.
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