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About me
Hello! This is Eveline.I'm nineteen. Currently studying in SP, diploma in banking and financial services. as well as psychology in business. I don't know myself very well. |
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Speechless.I don't like how some people succumb to pressure so easily. Not up to challenges, tsk tsk. I wonder how you are going to survive. I give up liao lo. Haiz. Sick of cleaning everybody's mess. Everytime give me shit to clean up. Sian to the ultimate max. Waiting for the end of the the final end of everything. 7 more months only. I'm waiting for March 2010 to come. I was watching Homeward Bound, the very first one earlier. Shadow reminded me of Penny. Penny, how are you up there? or are you back down already? Wherever you are, I hope you're happy,I miss you. It's absolutely easy to flare up at someone you don't know very well or someone you don't like for that matter. But it takes a lot more to really get angry with friends. There are times, when I don't understand what they are thinking, and felt like giving them my two cents worth, but I always hold myself back. I'm not going to say anything, everything's going to be over soon anyway. Soon, I'm going to be free from all sorts of things. Whenever you feel like complaining, or giving up, or just in a bad mood because something doesn't seem to go your way, just remember that you're not the unluckiest person, because someone out there is suffering way more than you do. There's no such thing as free lunch, and no success if you don't work hard. You complain how people can score well all the time, like how you know who does, because I found out how hard he worked. Sleeping at around 4 am everyday is not something everyone can do. I don't need speed, don't need 100% error free, don't need perfect A, I only want effort, that some part of your heart is being placed inside the work, not some "eveline wants this by this date, so I rush everything first, so that I can move on to other things." No, not that kind of efficiency. Nobody said studying is easy, nobody said life will be good. Without pain, where's the gain? Just think. I spend my weekends at home to finish tutorials before hand and to do projects. You think I'm happy? But I don't have a choice, and this is the path I choose, so I have to live it. So why can't you? Don't say no you can't, say yes you can. It's all in your head. Falling sick. Popped in two panadols early in the morning. Can't concentrate during Ktai's lesson even though I want to, because I see hope in pulling up my Investment grades. CSB is another module that I want to work hard for. I don't want to take any opportunity cost this semester. My pride gets in the way of a lot of things. It's like a protective shell. Anything to make myself forget all the unhappiness and pain. I'm miserable too. Whether it is about the same thing or not I don't know. There's a reason why I don't want to know all the answers. It's to stop me from thinking about you, from caring about you, from wanting to know how you are feeling and doing every second every minute that I am awake. I'm sorry, that I'm not good enough to be there for you. You don't want me to be there for you anyway. I’ve been waiting for my dreams To turn into something I could believe in And looking for that Magic rainbow On the horizon I couldn’t see it Until I let go Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn Now I’m coming alive Body and soul And feelin’ my world start to turn And I’ll taste every moment And live it out loud I know this is the time, This is the time To be more than a name Or a face in the crowd I know this is the time This is the time of my life Time of my life Holding onto things that vanished Into the air Left me in pieces But now I’m rising from the ashes Finding my wings And all that I needed Was there all along Within my reach As close as the beat of my heart and I’ll taste every moment And live it out loud I know this is the time, This is the time to be More than a name Or a face in the crowd I know this is the time This is the time of my life Time of my life And I’m out on the edge of forever Ready to run I’m keeping my feet on the ground Arms open wide Face to the sun I’ll taste every moment And live it out loud I know this is the time, This is the time to be More than a name Or a face in the crowd I know this is the time This is the time of my life Time of my life More than a name Or a face in the crowd This is the time This is the time of my life. This is the time of my life. Currently in love with this song. My kind of song. The kind of song that instils hope into me, the kind that will make you fly. The kind that people from American Idol will sing when their dreams come true. Like, Jordin Sparks and her "This is My Now", this is David Cook and "The Time of My Life". I could just leave, the way I decide between NJ and SP three years ago, without any hesitation. But this is different. I know I don't want to stay here forever, I know I talked about starting a new chapter to my life. But, what I'm considering now is like starting a new book. I don't know if I'm ready, to leave my life here behind, and my friends too? I need to know what I want, take in what others suggested, but ultimately, it's my life, so I decide, right? and no one can tell me what is right or wrong, because I should be the one deciding what's best for myself. aiyah, i just want to graduate from sp with a diploma with a satisfying gpa can liao. and satisfying means the standard that I want. Anyway, to some, do yourself a favour and do things that can make others respect you. Ok, maybe you enjoy the attention and all, but do it in such a way that doesn't disturb other people. If you want to disgrace yourself, then please just disgrace yourself, I hate it when people associate me with you. Because we are totally not the same kind of person, which explains why we don't flock together. So please, for your own good, earn some respect for yourself. and do me one small favour, keep your mouth shut when you are supposed to, like say, please don't talk for 1 hour from the start of one lecture to the end NON-STOP like you own the whole lecture theatre alright? -.-''' basket. I wasn't feeling my best today. Not Monday blues, just, not at my best. Anyway, my team didn't qualify for the semi final, so game is over. I'm not being truthful if I say I'm not sad, not because I wanted to win the money, nor for any glory, but I badly wanted to show those people who look down on us that we can make it too. Now I got nothing to say to them. We lost, okay? Happy now? I'm not going to show any sign of dejectedness, because the run is not over, yet. So don't be too happy too soon. I shouldn't be bothered with the little people. Our hard work should be for ourselves, not for other people, yes? My head's been spinning around since morning. Don't worry, no flu, no fever, just one of those low blood sugar level days. I've been thinking about what shufen and I discussed last night. I gave them so many chances to prove me wrong, but time and again they disappointed me. I think we should just leave it like it is, we're leaving soon anyway. I don't see the point in trying anymore. I don't need to be fake, nor do I need such friends. Not happy means not happy. No why, no because. We don't need to get along with every single person in the universe. I think I'm in such a cranky mood after BD this morning I couldn't control my temper. Accidentally snapped at Ben and Goki without realising what I just did. Sorry about that guys, didn't mean it that way. I think I have a lot to learn from Pang about anger and stress management. We both gets pressurised and angry for almost always the same reasons but she handles it and hides it better than I do. So hy and c were talking to me about something. And I couldn't seem to bring my point across, and they couldn't seem to understand why I feel that way. See? I don't even know the answer myself, how to expect other people to underestand? I think you guys have read enough. Shall stop here and continue with Investment. Omg, what else to write for TA? If anyone reading this and if you know what else to comment for Technical Analysis, please leave me a message because I need your help. I will be very grateful. Location: Marina Square McD's. Time: 11.36 am, Saturday 18 July. Here I am on a nice Saturday morning, what did I get myself into? Ge kiang lo. In the end what did I get? Add more stuff to do to the already piling up work only. Sad. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when my friends rely on me. It's good in a way, but if I don't perform up to the expectation, then they'll be disappointed, and it saddens me. When you are happy, you smile. When you are upset, you cry. When you are angry, just flare up. There's a need to embrace the simplest pleasures in life. Nobody's perfect. "Harry, how do you feel when you see Ginny and Dean together?" - Hermione started crying. "It feels like this." - Harry It's a feeling that no words can ever describe.  It's not how we are as individuals, it's how we are when we're together. Should stop ranting about the management game as a whole. Have mixed feelings about this whole thing right now. A part of me wanted to give it all, the other part just want to concentrate on proper work. Guess we'll see how it goes. I'm not a quitter. But this doesn't stop me from becoming pek chek with some people. A joke is fun and humorous, but when it hits a raw nerve, MY raw nerve, it's not funny anymore. So unfortunately for you, I'm not happy about it. You don't treat your friends that way. Gang celebrated Julia's birthday   The smile that we bring to people when we celebrate their birthdays with them made our day as well. I love the unity among us. Chalet in September! I hope all 12 will be present. Yes! Sixian, just what I needed. So according to sixian who learnt it from Mark Twain: Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you, too, can become great. I shouldn't be wasting my time ranting about this certain person. But what the heck this certain person disappointed me so much. What makes him think he has the right to judge and comment about others? What makes him think he is above us? Maybe he can do better, but that doesn't give him the authority to put us beneath him. He may be in a better position than us in this short run. But his friend is so much better as a person and as a friend. And I tell you my one cent worth okay? That is the asset in the long run. So shit him. Feel like slapping his face and kicking his ass. Okay, I just accumulated a lot of karma cursing at him. I'm going to go baibai with shufen on wednesday to wash away my sins. But his sins are more than mine, so I shouldn't worry too much. So keep your insults to yourself okay please thank you very much. and yes if you, yes you, are guilty after reading this, yes i was talking about you. damn it, you irks me. "Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show how badly we want something. They are there to block the other people." "I'm going to find a way to be happy, and I'd really love to be happy with you, but if I can't be happy with you, then I'll find a way to be happy without you." It's not about how hard you get hit. It's how hard you get hit and how you keep moving forward. They say luck is when preparation meets opportunity. But I don't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I don't believe in luck. When everything is done, I'm starting over. Like a fresh sheet of paper. When everything is forgotten, I'm starting over. I know it's only going to get better. Right, I'm someone who can fool myself well. Your conscience kena eaten by the dog. You have zero left. So please beware because karma is coming your way. I believe in justice, law, order, fairness and equality. Reaping what you sow and giving back what you don't earn. Integrity and righteousness should be upholded. Dishonesty should be frowned upon. 忠孝仁爱 礼义廉耻 nanhua's school motto, still deeply etched in my head. Millions of gratitude for what they have taught me, but I regret that it took me this long to realise that such scums and bastards are roaming around the earth that we live in, living and breathing in this society. It is my misfortune that they exist so closely around. But thank God I'm not a part of them. I thank God for bringing me to the right places and to the right people. When we graduate next year, I'm going to tell you this. You didnt earn your diploma, you stole it. When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you. When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you, that's a bad place to be. You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you, and want to make you better. Self esteem is something you have to build. There is only one way to develop it. You give them something they can't do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process. If you work hard enough, there will be things I can ddo tomorrow that I can't do today. This is the feedback loop for life. Sports isn't about learning the skills and the intricacies of it. It's about teamwork, perseverance, sportsmanship, the value of hardwork and the ability to deal with adversity. It's an indirect learning. Anyway, on a side note about today. I really don't get your point. What are you trying to prove? Win by playing tricks? Favouring your "puppets"? You call yourself an educator? You don't have your integrity with you huh? That is cheating, fyi. I will slap you if I am to stoop to your level. Idiot. I detest people like you. You don't deserve any respect, and guess what, you're not getting any from me. I'm really thankful. Everytime I feel like giving up, and when my hard work doesn't seem to pay off, when what I worked hard for let me down repeatedly, crushing my confidence, self-esteem and hope, something, or someone appears and shower me with all that I needed to get back up and run again. This race, the one that I have been running ever since I stepped into SP, is coming to an end, soon. I know I don't have to prove anything to anyone, but I want to, not for anyone else, but for myself. I need that sense of achievement that I could never have attained in Nan Hua. I rarely hide things from people. What you see is what you get. One thing I tried to suppress from people is my dislike to be in people's shadows. Either you be the best, or be nothing at all. It's a very strong and competitive line, but I don't like such extremes. I welcome competition only to a certain extent. Actually in most cases, I don't even feel like competing. The competitiveness in me can be too overwhelming, too intense for my own liking. I'm so full of contradiction, don't you think? haha. Term 2 starts tomorrow. Can anyone spell sian for me? Let's move on move on move on, I wanna graduate asap. Satisfied the cravings yesterday with sx and cec at this rong guang bbq seafood at clementi. awesome place. next time gang can go there as a steamboat alternative. We ordered chilli crabs, sambal stingray, sambal kangkong and hotplate tofu, a little too much for 3 persons, but we finished them all. haha. okay sx didnt finish all. cec and i did. then after that we took a bus down to jln jelita's cold storage to get mochi ice cream. ate them on our way to the bus stop where there are buses home. meeting sballers again on the 17th. There's something on my mind that I really really wanna know. But then again it's not my call right? So i think i should shut up first.  We always ended up eating steamboat after the end of every tests/exam. Can tell me why or not? It's bewildering ah. Haha. Not complaining though. Anyway, we pigged out at tian tian and ate our hearts out for about 2 hours. With still bloated stomachs we walked to citylink for desserts from Marvelous Cream. Pang, Ben, Choong and I shared the Chocolate Sienne while the girls got themselves the strawberry and mango one. I think we were damn high tonight. High until shufen finished this all by herself:  this was not the only plate by the way, this was what she is enjoying towards the end. I believe there's more. Photos are limited because all of us were busy with the food. The neighbour upstairs is one ultimate public nuisance. I wish one day he will realise that and repent. I was talking to huili about changing course when I go to uni. My parents and relatives are against me going into psychology. But what if that is what I want? I really don't know. I kind of have had enough of banking and business. D's going to do veterinarian, a part of me wants to join her. Sx wants to do marine biology, I developed an interest in that field ever since the snorkelling trip, and I have been surfing the net for documentaries on marine creatures. And what about my restaurant? I think, it's really time to sit down and tell my parents what I really want, even though they may not support the idea. Ok, I want a job that makes money, but I also want a job that I will enjoy. I remembered someone telling me that you can never enjoy your job, which I don't agree. Yes, you can enjoy a job IF you have passion for the job, right? I don't want some job that gives me pressure and all sort of nonsense even though it's a 5 figure sum into my bank account every month. The world is a bitter place to live in, our society especially, where results matter, where only the strong ones will survive. It's this performance-oriented society that shapes us into this over-serious people. Soon everybody will suffer from the overly serious syndrome. This should not go on.
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